if i don't come back, i mean if i get side tracked its only cause i wanted to

i've made you so happy and so sad,
which should i be more sorry for?






i've been feeling pretty lousy this last month
just really low
i dont want to leave my house anymore..
which i rarely do.
and if people call me to hang out.. i end up lying and saying i'm busy
because i can't stand being around anybody


i feel bad for the things i've done
and the things i keep doing
to myself and to everyone

maybe my problem is that i don't care about anyone/anything
maybe thats why i'm left with no one[again]
i just don't care.. i just don't anymore
about anything really.
i try and i try to do good..
to get my life together..
clean up my act .. i don't know

but i always fuck everything up in the end
and i sound like a dumb angsty 15 year old
and i hate myself for this

i hate myself for even writing this
i hate myself for even thinking about this

everymoring i wake up and i am disgusted
it makes me sick..
what i am
who i turned out to be


i dont know
i spelled everything wrong in this
and i dont know why i even took the time to write about this
embarassing shit.

oh and i've been so stressed out my eye has started twitching
so now i look like an even bigger idiot



but i guess its better i got it out..



ugh


i need a friend